It’s been a long time since I’ve posted, but there’s not much to show for it. Not helping my case, many would say I’ve effectively disappeared. I’ve written and rewritten this at least 3 times over the past 2 months, with each one winding up going too far into depression. Work is going well after several months of feeling precarious at best. (It’s far safer than my last job but I’m not as good at the actual work as I would like.) My strategy to bide for time (not wanting to buy another condo in case my current job doesn’t last) may be working too well if anything. Much of my time since last posting was spent living with my parents trying to find an apartment, and that took far more effort than it should have. Hobbies have slowly ground to a virtual standstill, and I’m not so open about them anymore.
Photography is still the hobby I’d like to show the most, but my output has stagnated. There may be several causes: I already have enough gear, I’m not as comfortable wandering my current surroundings, and there has been stress over the past 14 months that is only now starting to gradually relent.
Recent output has largely stagnated to the views of Mount Rainier one can get from just about anywhere in Pierce county.
I did recently go to the Oregon Coast again but my output is losing quality. These two from Hug Point seem to be the standouts.
While living with my parents I got some good shots in their neighborhood, but there’s not much variety there either. The wetlands make decent birding, as long as nesting geese aren’t around.
One lucky shot was right from my apartment window, where some small animals seek refuge from the adjacent golf course.
In fact, digging up this tract of output ran me right up next to the day I made my last post those many months ago; and there was more variety in a day back north than I get over the course of months as stands.
Art is still going but my pace slowed down extremely. I’m not meaningfully painting anymore, but still have all I need to paint. Drawing took over at one point, but that slowed down too. It may have to do with needing to find my impetus again each time I move. I went from largely free expression in the condo to using others’ encouragement while I was living with my parents for several months. Either I’m having trouble adjusting back to free expression now that I’ve moved back out, or the emotions I channeled into my work while at the condo aren’t returning.
I did recently buy a pen display, but I’m not fully used to it yet. Hopefully I grow into it, but there’s still a hiccup or two with my software setup and the aforementioned impetus problem is still in full effect here. (I’m aware the wick-dots here are from me using pressure to control color/grads instead of opacity, but every once in a while the added range of grads is worth the wicks. Maybe it’s a habit developed from acrylic transferring over to digital?)
We’ll see what happens from here, but in pretty much every other draft all the more I have to report is just depressive tract leaning into how I seem to be stagnating in life and yet don’t have much of a path forward. So far the apartment I recently moved into is livable but I’m not really gaining much from it. I should try venturing out more but so far almost all social functions I’ve had in this county throughout my lifetime have been either negative, or in one case outright threatening. (That threat came from a now-retired supervisor in a past job, but still.)
Joe R. Stead 